Bella's Random List
by death princess saya
Summary: Bella has decided to write a list of odd things she wants to know if Edward can do or not. She gets help from Alice so now its on! What kind of havoc will the list bring in one night? One-shot


Bella's Random List

Bella was sitting in her bedroom on her bed, thinking random things about her beloved Edward. Mainly about things she could try to make him do. She was so bored she even wrote it out on a list. It consisted of nine things. It was written as so:

**My Random Edward List**

By Bella

-Can Edward fly?

-How hyper can I make Edward?

-Can Edward become hyper by eating sugar?

-Will Edward eat people food?

-Will Edward strip in public?

-Can Edward get drunk by drinking alcohol?

-Will Edward cross-dress? (Possibly if drunk)

-Will Edward kiss Emmett or Jasper? (Possibly if drunk)

-Can I get Edward to say "I love you" to said men?

She giggled silently to herself. Edward would be so annoyed if he saw her list.

Maybe, when she would spend the night at the Cullen's house on

Friday, she'd try to make him do some of the things on her list. If she was lucky, Alice might agree to help her on her mission. The thought of it brought excited tingles down her spine, and she grinned mischievously.

The next day on Thursday, Bella went to school as usual. Even so, every time she took a glance at Edward she'd burst into laughter.

"Are you okay Bella?" Edward asked, giving her a funny look.

"I'm fine," She snickered back.

"Um, alright," Edward left her at that.

Later that day Bella caught up with Alice. She showed her the list.

Alice found it very humorous, and agreed to help her out on her mission. She bought everything needed to make the list hopefully work.

Bella anxiously waited for Friday to come. This sudden anxiety made Edward suspicious of her. What was she up to?

"Why are you so suddenly excited?" He asked her.

"Its nothing," she waved him away.

That next night at the Cullen's', Alice snuck Bella into her bedroom. There, she could show her the plans without interruption.

"Okay Bella," she chirped. "First we'll go on the balcony to see if he can fly.''

"Yep!" Bella raced out onto the balcony and waited for Alice to bring Edward.

"Hey Bella," he said coming near her.

"Hi Edward!" She sounded too happy to see him.

Edward stood at the edge of the balcony. Bella thought of it as a chance to see if he could fly or not. She backed up, and then charged at him. She planned to push him over the balcony.

Unfortunately, hitting Edward was like hitting stone. He didn't move a bit and Bella maintained a bruised shoulder.

"Bella!" Edward glared, "what was that for? You hurt yourself."

"It was only playful nudging. I swear!" Bella peered back at Alice who checked 'no' on the list.

Bella rushed to her side.

"Lets make him hyper from candy now!" She insisted.

Alice handed her a plastic bag completely full of candy and sweets.

"If you get him to eat it, it will also align with your 'Can I make him eat human food' category," Alice laughed.

"Right!"

"Bella?" Edward called, "Bella? Where did you go?"

"I'm in the living room!" Bella called back.

Edward followed her voice down to the living room. He gasped when he saw the bag full of candy.

"What's with all the candy?" He asked ruefully.

"Oh! It was a present from Alice. I told her I didn't need this much, but she insisted that I take it. I can't eat it all though. Would you please help me eat it Edward?" Bella was trying to sound as innocent as possible.

"You know I don't eat human food Bella," Edward sighed.

"Pretty please Edward!" Bella decided to use her dreaded puppy dog eyes on him.

"Fine!" Edward took a snickers bar and wolfed it down. Then he ate three bags of M&Ms at a time.

Bella had taken one bag of skittles and slowly ate the individual pieces while Edward gorged himself. Alice checked a 'yes' on the list for him eating human food.

After thirty minutes of eating candy, Edward said to Bella, "Can I stop now? All this candy is too sweet for me."

It didn't make him hyper. Alice marked a 'no'

There was a second way to make him hyper. Bella just needed to see how hyper he could get though.

"Okay. We can stop eating candy now," Bella smiled.

"Finally!" Edward complained.

Bella made her decision to start right now. She threw herself at him saying, "Oh Edward!"

She started kissing his face all over.

"Bella?" Edward exclaimed just before she ripped his shirt off.

"You're so sexy!" She seductively complimented.

"Bella! What's gotten into…"

Bella locked her lips to his, "Shh!" She said afterwards, "You know you want it!"

Edward pushed her away.

Bella sat on his lap and started to kiss his neck.

"You're making it very difficult for me to resist you right now," Edward growled briskly.

Bella grabbed his head in her hands and set it on her chest.

"Then let yourself go silly," she giggled flirtatiously.

Edward gave up. He was losing control and Bella wasn't helping. He grinned childishly and pushed her over.

Now, Bella's other shoulder was bruised.

He loomed over her and gaily whispered in her ear. "How do you want it?" He growled seductively.

Her face went white. She didn't want to go that far!

"I'm bored. I don't feel like doing this anymore!" She complained hopefully.

"But," Edward huffed. "We were just getting started!"

"We were, but now we're done. I don't want to get bruised by your body just yet," Bella sighed.

"Fine," Edward got off her and treaded away moodily.

Alice came in, "so, how hyper did he get?"

Bella gulped, "Too hyper."

Alice glanced at the list again. "All the rest of the things on your list have to do with Edward being drunk," she announced in her pixie like way.

"Did you buy lots of alcohol, Alice?" Bella asked, concerned.

"Yep, but I had to make Carlisle buy it because I look too young to buy boos," Alice smiled.

"How are we going to make him drink it?" Bella wondered, "He'll know what it is and wonder why we want him to drink it."

Alice quickly brainstormed. After a minute or so she had an idea.

"Why don't we have a drinking contest between him and another member of the household?" She suggested.

"Sure! That sounds great! But who will be his opponent?" Bella inquired.

"Well, Rosalie and Emmett are out on a romantic vacation. Esme is out visiting some friends in a different state. I want to watch and I'm sure you do too. That leaves Jasper and Carlisle," She said.

"Let's ask Jasper first," Bella insisted.

Alice nodded. She went around the house in search of Jasper.

She returned to Bella not long after. Jasper by her side.

"He doesn't want to drink. He'd rather watch as well," Alice sighed.

"Maybe Carlisle will agree," Bella said. She, Jasper, and Alice raced down to Carlisle's office room.

"Carlisle?" Bella asked.

"Bella? What are you here for? Are you injured?" Carlisle asked.

"No, but will you please have a drinking contest with Edward?" Bella begged sweetly.

Carlisle appeared stunned, "why?" He gawked.

"Because drinking contests are fun!" Alice grinned.

He thought for a moment, "I guess I could." He sighed, still confused.

"Yes!" Bella exclaimed, "I'll be right back! I have to go get Edward."

"Meet us in the kitchen!" Alice called.

"Edward! Come here!" Bella called for her man.

Edward came to her but seemed annoyed. "What is it this time?" He hissed, clearly unhappy.

"Carlisle wants to have a drinking contest with you!" She laughed.

His eyes squinted," why?"

"It's only harmless fun. Whoever drinks the most beer wins!" "Carlisle actually agreed to that?"

"Yep. C'mon! Lets go!" Bella took his hand and led him to the kitchen.

Carlisle was already seated at the table, cans and bottles full of beer before him. Alice and Jasper were waiting anxiously on the counter.

Edward sat across from his adopted father.

Bella sat next to Alice and asked, "Will they actually get drunk?"

"If they drink enough, yes," she answered while laughing.

"Go Edward!" Bella called.

"Three….two……ONE!" Jasper started them off.

Carlisle and Edward started chugging beer hard. If they kept it up they'd be drunk in no time.

"Go Carlisle! Chug that beer!''Alice was enthralled.

Jasper just went along with Alice and called, "C'mon Carlisle!"

Being twice as motivated Carlisle was drinking more than Edward.

Bella didn't him to lose so she screamed viciously, "I'll leave you forever if you don't pick up the pace, Edward!"

Edward's eyes bulged before he started shrugging down two bottles at the same time. Beer streamed down his cheeks onto the floor.

"By the looks of things," announced Jasper. "They'll be drunk very soon."

Within ten minutes, Edward and Carlisle had drunk well over one hundred beers each. They now were just sitting there and glaring at each. Their eyes never blinked. They had finished all the beer that Alice had forced Carlisle to buy.

"I wonder if they're drunk yet." Bella whispered to Alice.

"Why don't you talk to Edward and see," Alice suggested.

Bella stared at the back of his head. This was something she'd always wanted to see. Drunk Edward. She wondered what kind of drunk he'd be.

"Um, Edward?" she peered nervously.

Edward slumped back in his chair. His head leaned far back to look at her. His eyes were a very dim shade of gold. An odd smirk spread across his face.

"Heeyyy!!!" He slurred in a long hello.

"Edward!" She exclaimed. She was surprised that he was actually drunk.

He tripped out of his chair and ran right into the fridge, denting it.

The three of them laughed. Alice marked another 'yes' on Bella's list.

A minute or so after every one was done laughing Carlisle burst into an enormous fit of laughter.

They all looked at him awkwardly. He wouldn't stop laughing.

"Lets…..go do something else," Alice insisted.

They walked back to the living room and sat.

"Bella!!!!! Don't leave me!" Edward leapt at them. He tackled Bella down and tumbled in a circle. He was hugging her and bawling, "Bella! Oh Bella! I thought you were leaving me forever! Don't ever leave me again!" He cried in anguish.

"I was only going to the living room. Gees!" Bella argued.

Edward suddenly smirked again. He stood up and winked at her.

"I know what you would like!" He laughed," I will do this for you and only you sugar!"

He dimmed the lights as his smirk widened. Unexpectedly, he ripped his shirt off and thrust it at Bella. Then his shoes and socks. Then, off went his pants.

Bella gawked at his solid body, no longer hidden by clothing.

"Alice!" She hollered, "Save me!"

Alice came back fro Bella. They hid on the stairs.

Jasper decided to keep watch for them so no more incidents would happen.

The girls didn't get much time to breathe when Edward came back. This time he was with Carlisle though.

When Bella saw them she tried to hold in a laugh.

Carlisle was wearing one of Esme's nice skirt outfits. Edward on the other hand was wearing one of Alice's beautiful designer skirt outfits. Both of the outfits were much too small for their muscular bodies. It was much too funny to hold in a laugh.

Alice unenthusiastically checked another 'yes' on the list.

"That's my favorite outfit! "She grumbled.

Bella glanced at the list. There were only two categories remaining.

Immediately, she raced down to Edward and whispered something in his ear.

"Go give Jasper a nice kiss and tell him you love him!" She snickered.

Like a zombie, he obeyed.

"Oh Jasper!" He called in the best woman's voice he could muster. He skipped (tripping some from the high heels he was wearing) to him.

"What's with you Edward?" Jasper hissed.

Edward suddenly grasped Jasper tightly in his arms. His face was grave serious.

"Jasper," he said in a romantic tone. "I love you!"

He bent over for a passionate kiss with Jasper. Alice checked off the two remaining spots on the list. Although she was stunned at the sight of Edward kissing her Jasper.

"My eyes!" She exclaimed.

Bella was rolling around the floor with laughter. That was until she realized that he never kissed her like that.

She turned sleepily to Alice. "I'm going to bed. 'Kay Alice," she yawned.

Alice nodded and Bella went to sleep in Edward's room.

Later that night Carlisle and Edward sprang out of their drunkenness.

Edward was furious. He was for reasons unknown in a dress. Plus, Jasper wouldn't come near him.

Somewhere on the floor he found a list. It had all the things he was doing during the night. (or almost did) He clenched his fists, annoyed.

"Oh! You are so dead!" He growled.

Bella was calmly sleeping when Edward's voice called to her, along with the lights going on.

"Bella!" He sounded pissed.

She opened her eyes. She saw that Edward's left eyebrow was twitching.

"What's with this list Bella?" He growled staring at the sheet of paper.

Her eyes bulged, "uh….that's not…..mine. It's Alice's!" She lied.

"I don't think so!" Edward turned the paper toward her, "It's in your handwriting and……"

Bella's eyes widened further. She had made a huge mistake.

"You wrote your name on it!" Edward deducted.

"Oh crap!" Bella complained.

"Oh crap indeed! You've got some explaining to do," Edward growled and locked his bedroom door.

End


End file.
